Bag of Randomness for Wednesday, January 19, 2022

It was a different game back then.

https://twitter.com/SportsCenter/status/1483552993748389889

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Bag of Randomness for Tuesday, January 18, 2022

  • I think of my ex as Luke does Darth Vader. I believe she still has good in her, but she does everything she can to prove me wrong. Here’s the latest:
    • Our daughter recently told me when she was at her grandparents’ house for the holidays, her aunt (my ex’s sister) told her and her brother I physically assaulted my wife. That is 100% not true and was never brought up in any of our divorce proceedings or paperwork. I contacted my ex using the communication application the court requires us to contact each other regarding issues relating to our children. I told her what our daughter told me and asked if she has told anyone that I have physically hurt her, would she make sure her family no longer degrades me directly to our children, and to that either she or her sister needs to speak to our children about the miscommunication and ensure them their father isn’t a wife beater.
    • The app tells me when she read it, but it took her a long time to reply. That’s because even though the divorce is past us and she’s a 43-year-old woman, she has to run everything by her mother and lawyer first. Her reply was a very short sentence, “I have never told anyone that you physically harmed me.” I reply thanking her for her answer, but stated her answer didn’t address why her sister told our children I physically assaulted her and to please answer my two remaining questions, would she speak to her family to make sure they no longer degrade me to or in front of our children, and if she or her sister would speak to our children about the “miscommunication” to ensure them their father isn’t a wife beater, stressing that I think it’s in the children’s best interest to know their father does not hurt women. She never responded.
    • The next time I see her, I tell her that the divorce decree states I can have a “meaningful conference” regarding an issue relating to our children, and her refusal to reply to my now two follow-up emails is not granting me what she legally signed she would do. She told me that she did answer by two other questions with her little reply, “I have never told anyone that you physically harmed me.” I then tried to politely explain to her that stating she has never told anyone I hurt her doesn’t tell me if she will ensure her family not speak ill of their father and if she or her sister would talk to the kids about the “miscommunication” so they will know their father isn’t a wife beater. She refuses to speak to her family about it and ended the conversation as she and our daughter were late for a counseling appointment (they ain’t getting along at all since the divorce).
      • She has extreme difficulty talking to her family about anything that could be construed as negative. She always prioritized her status with them and her feelings above me and our marriage. Here’s a perfect example.  When she was pregnant with our son, we decided to name his Walter to carry on that name on my side of the family. That name has been used either as a first or middle name for about five generations. However, her brother and brother-in-law once saw a commercial when they were young in which that name was used. When they greet each other, they call each other “Walt” in a playful way. My concern was that if they continued to do this around our son, because they’ve been doing it forever and there was no signs of it stopping, and as he grows up around them, our boy may think his name was being made fun of. Our son is going to get the opportunity to actually meet her mother and father, and he will never be able to speak to my mother and father since they have long been deceased. I wanted to honor my father’s legacy and the importance of that name to my family, and that when we speak about family, our children understand that family doesn’t just mean her side. I asked if she could simply call her brother and brother-in-law, and ask them when our son is around, not to do the joke. She couldn’t do it. I told her I could, but it would be better for her to do it since it’s her family and she knows them better. She just couldn’t do it, and cried excessively. I’m sure part of that was pregnancy hormones, but for her to refuse to do a little thing like that was reminded me how she prioritized her family over me.
    • I followed up with her on the phone on Sunday after she called about another concern. Her first question was if we could put a time-limit on topic. Again, she told me that one sentence answers all my questions and I again try to explain how it does. It’s like saying 2+2=Blue, that her reply is an answer and may have answered one particular question, but it doesn’t address her asking her family not to speak ill of our children’s father in front of them and if she or her sister would looking into the “miscommunication” and ensure the kids their father does not hit women. Her answer, “The divorce decree doesn’t require me to do that.” I told her that the divorce decree doesn’t tell us every single thing we are required to do, and that this was just a request, because I believe it’s in our children’s best interest for their father not to be spoken ill of by her family and to know he doesn’t hurt women. I didn’t know how to explain to her that it’s just the moral thing to do, and I do what I can to have our children continue to love and respect her. She wouldn’t budge and suggestion I contact her sister myself. I’d rather not speak to the people who kept our children from having any contact with their father.
      • When I say my children not having any contact with me, remember when my wife pulled the kids out of school before lunch and arrived at her childhood home in East Texas the day before the big freeze, her mother sent me a text that I could only contact my wife via text through her, and if I show up on their property, they would call the police. Four nights have passed without me hearing from my wife or son or daughter. Then I get another text which tells me I can have a monitored five-minute conversation with my son on his ninth birthday, and if the call goes well, I may be able to speak to them again later that night. I was so scared and eager to speak to my kids. I missed them so much and that are literally my only family. Not wanting to mess anything up with the call, so I can get an additional call that evening, I actually wrote a script of things to ask and tell them. When the call happened, I was only expecting to speak to my son, but surprisingly, my daughter chimed in and wanted to talk to her dad. I tried speaking to her but wanted to talk to the birthday boy, and he rambled and the call went ten seconds after five minutes. After the call ended, I immediately text my mother-in-law and apologize it went over but I didn’t want to abruptly cut off my son from speaking to his dad for the first time in four nights and was pleasantly surprised my daughter got in on the call. I told her I hoped those ten seconds won’t hurt my chances of speaking to my son and daughter later that evening. She never replied, and I didn’t get to speak to them again until we exchanged the kids at a gas station.
        • Two months earlier, for Christmas, our children received new iPads for each of them. When my wife left me on Feb 12, her mother bought our children two new iPads and created new accounts and passwords for them as another way to withhold me from contacting them, even by iMessage.
        • The only reason I got to spend time with the kids after another four straight nights of zero contact was because I hired a lawyer. So now we were communicating through our attorneys.
          • She had three requirements if I wanted the kids to have an overnight stay with me. First, my wife’s sister would do the exchange at the Buccee’s in East Texas. Remember, my wife took my gas-powered SUV and left me with the electric car with a range of only about 72 miles. She required this, knowing I don’t have a vehicle that can make it there and back without charging somewhere for three hours. The second requirement was that an adult be there to supervise my time with our own children. So the day before she left me, she felt it was okay for them to stay alone with me when I picked them up from school, but now an adult needs to be present despite me never harming them or her? Thankfully, my friend Jimi volunteered to drive me there to pick them up, stay an additional night with me, and then drive all of us back.
          • She had all the leverage, she had the kids. As silly as I thought and as much as I hated it, I had to cater to them just so I can spend time with my children.
          • The children had no idea they were going to see me during their hour long drive from their grandparents’ house.
          • I hope none of you will ever know what it feels like to be separated from your kids and then cry into each other’s hug when you all reunited from being forcibly separated.
          • When we arrived at Buccee’s, we texted we were in the same parking area my wife and I exchanged the children with her sister the previous weekend. They would only do the exchange inside the store because they wanted video cameras and people around in case I cause a scene. That was insane of them. So, we had to lug a child’s car seat inside the store when I picked them up and dropped them off.
          • All of this just seemed too extreme considering we’ve been married for 17-years, never had a single counseling session together and this was her first move, and there’s been no physical abuse by or on anyone. Sure, divorce me, but let’s not be so nasty and costly about it. No need to use the children like this. She’s scared them for life, and she has no idea the trust she’s lost from them.
          • Even though our children haven’t seen their father or been back in their own home for over a week, that evening my wife texts me wanting to get the username and passwords to some of our online financial account. After her separating me from our children, I didn’t want to take any time out of this visitation and give it to her.
    • More to come.
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Bag of Randomness for Friday, January 14, 2022

  • I made a blog post every day of this work week, it’s almost like old times. But, I may take Monday off since it’s a holiday.
  • So, yesterday I mentioned how my wife left me by taking the kids out of school early and driving 110 miles to her mother’s in East Texas. Then, her mother sent me this text and didn’t allow me to speak to my children for four nights. Then, she allowed a five-minute monitored phone call on my son’s 9th birthday, all during the big freeze.
  • Keep in mind, I’ve never cheated or physically hurt my wife in any way, and we never went to a single counseling session or had a visit with our pastor as we were working through her emotional infidelity. I had no idea she was going to file for divorce that Sunday night. That’s right, she couldn’t even wait until offices opened the next morning. As a matter of fact, she let the children know we were getting a divorce before informing me. However, my wife didn’t tell the children herself. She had her mother do it. I’m sure Jesus was proud of their efforts of not keeping a family united and choosing divorce as the first option after 17-years of marriage.
  • She abandoned me and abducted our children from school around 11:00 AM Friday, February 12, 2021. The day before seemed normal. For the last four Thursdays, she would stay after school and have an hour long video conference with her counselor in the privacy of her classroom. When she informed me she wanted to see a counselor, I found five that were in-network which I thought would be a good fit for her. She chose this one counselor who shared a name with an out-of-network counselor. Basically, she scheduled sessions with the out-of-network counselor and I told her as long as she was happy, I’d be happy paying the higher out-of-network fee.
    • As I’ve done the past four Thursdays, I’d pick the kids up from school instead of her driving them home. But first, I’d leave work early to stop by Chick-fil-A to pick her up a snack. She could get “hangry” easily, and I wanted her to get the most out of her counseling sessions. She later told the judge I was manipulative and controlling. Well, a manipulative and controlling man would do everything he could to keep her from seeing a counselor for four straight weeks, and wouldn’t go out of his way tp leave work early to ensure she had a snack and to pick up the kids.
    • That evening seemed pretty normal. When the kids went to bed, she showered and came into the living room to watch television with me. We snuggled on the coach, then she put her hand in my pants, and as one thing led to another, we went to the bedroom to do what married couples do. But she seemed off, as if she wasn’t there mentally or emotionally, very quiet and reserved. I mentioned it to her, but she didn’t provide a response other than tell me she’d like to borrow my primary vehicle, the gas-powered SUV to take to school instead of her smaller low-range electric car the next morning. She said she needed it to help a friend move something large from one classroom to another across campus. I thought nothing of it and said sure. Little did I know she was lying. She needed to switch vehicles because the electric car wouldn’t make it to her mother’s on a full charge.
    • As she was taking the kids out of school around 11:00 AM, I used my lunch hour to go grocery shopping and stock up on a lot of comfort food for the upcoming winter storm. Little did I know none of that food would be eaten. I was so distraught upon her leaving that I lost my appetite for months. Heck, I still have knots in my stomach and can’t eat a full meal.
    • The first two nights in the house were torture. The house was devoid of children, eerily quiet and literally and figuratively cold, almost haunting. Everything around me was a reminder they weren’t there. I was looking forward to playing with my kids in the snow and now I was alone. I was isolated. It felt like solitary confinement once the storm hit and the power went out over and over again, roughing it by myself. Thankfully, at one point, my best friend Jimi called, someone I haven’t talked to in months, and stayed several nights with me during the big freeze. But after the first two nights of being isolated and not knowing when I would see my children next, I had a panic attack. I tried to call Jimi, but he was busy. I called my pastor, but he was busy. So were several others I tried to call. I just wanted to speak to someone, and then I remembered the crisis or suicide hotline and their commercials about how someone would always be there to listen and take your call. So, I called and had an hour long conversation. Funny thing, at the end of the call, they asked if I would take part in an NYU research study by answering an hour’s worth of questions, and they would compensate me $50. As lonely as I was, I readily agreed. Little did I know, my ex and her mother would successfully use that call against me in court, pushing the idea I was mentally unstable to keep the kids away from me.
    • Remember, my ex’s mother said I could only communicate with my wife by text messages through her. I groveled as much as possible to keep my family together. My family meant everything to me. I even sent promotional material from an upcoming Focus on the Family marriage enrichment boot camp that would last a week. I was willing to pay about $13,000 for it, but they wouldn’t have any of it. They were dead set on divorce and nothing in between.
    • After about a full week, and as the weather was clearing up, I was wondering when she was going to come back and go back to her teaching job and the kids to school. Despite our kids not doing well in online school, and without my knowledge or consent, she enrolled them in online school to keep them at her mother’s in East Texas. I had an upcoming doctor’s appointment to remove some pre-cancerous area on my nose and needed someone to drive me to and from the doctor’s office. I texted asking when would she return. My wife called and said she was going to keep the conversation short and that she was divorcing me. I felt what she needed most was space and to feel she was in control, so I only asked that she be fair with the children, and she said she would do what she thought was best. Little did I know that meant keeping them away from me. Even when she moved back to the area, she wouldn’t reveal their location until the judge forced her. All I could think of was “in sickness and in health”. I thought about that again when my ex agreed to go to the neurosurgeon with me so we could readily schedule the surgery and childrens possession time swapping, and then she canceled on me the next morning. I’m thinking her lawyer helped her craft this message.
  • The weekend before my wife left me, we arranged for her sister and husband to watch our children, and we worked on a Christian marriage enrichment course. I hand wrote a note to my wife’s sister thanking her, asking her for prayers as this was the lowest point in my life, and included $200 in case the kids wanted something. She ended up using that personal note in court to push the point that I was emotionally unstable to be around my own children. I also reached out to my wife’s mother, ensuring her I was devoted to her daughter and was in it for the long haul. She shared some very nice stuff, stating how she stuck with her husband during some emotionally tough times and God’s providence. Despite what she wrote to me, which you can see below, she later help orchestrate her daughter’s divorce, never encouraged us to at least try counseling one single time or even try a separation. And she thought she was the one who should tell our children that their parents were divorcing, and how it can be seen as a blessing because it meant new beginnings. You’ll see I playfully referred to her as MammaToots, and there’s a long but cute story about that which I will tell at a time of my choosing. Divorce was her goal, and she paid all of her daughter’s legal fees. I remember the first time my future wife talked about her, saying she told her about me, but that I was half-Asian. Her first question was, how Asian does he look? It was a challenge and uphill battle from the start. I thought love would win. I was wrong.

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Bag of Randomness for Thursday, January 13, 2022

  • Four consecutive days of blogging, look at me go. Though I know I will disappoint a lot of you in some of what you read today and in the future. I’m at a point at which things are so damaged that I don’t care.
  • My ex wrote what you see above last year. Her mother’s judgement is so clouded that when she read it, she that it was only about her daughter taking a break from Facebook by praising her, and totally overlooked the infidelity and unfaithful parts. Then, a month-and-a-half later, my took the kids out of school early and drove 110 miles east to her mother’s house. I only started to learn about all of this when my ex’s mother sent me the following text. Keep in mind, the big freeze was going to hit the next day, my wife has never been physically harmed, the prior weekend we worked on a Christian marriage enrichment seminar, and we haven’t even been to a single session with a marriage counselor or our pastor.
    She and her daughter kept our children from speaking to their father for four straight days, at the start of the big freeze. The fifth day was my son’s 9th birthday. I received this other text from who is now my former MIL. Other than the five-minute call she allowed, and me obeying her rules, she didn’t allow me to speak to my kids for four more days. As much as they like to tout about Jesus in their lives, I’m not sure Jesus would be pleased with someone tearing apart a family and keeping a loving father from his children who want to speak to their father.
  • When John Madden died, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement,  “We all know him as the Hall of Fame coach of the Oakland Raiders and broadcaster who worked for every major network, but more than anything, he was a devoted husband, father and grandfather.” One word stuck out to me, “devoted.” That’s something my ex never was – devoted to me or our marriage. There were signs of it at the start.
    • Early in our relationship, even before we were engaged, we went to pre-marital counseling. Before that first session, she came over to my apartment. She received a phone call, then took it outside for a long time. When I asked who called, she wasn’t truthful with me. She played it off as if it was nobody when she later admitted it was a guy who was interested in her. Here we were about to leave for a premarital counseling session, and she couldn’t break things off with another man. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but little did I know this would be a common thing for her to do throughout our relationship.
    • At our wedding, as she made her entrance and walked down the aisle, she never once looked at me. At first, that made me sad because I had a little something special planned as she gazed at me. But it actually scared me, I thought this was going to set a precedent for our marriage, that she will always overlook me. Here she was, taking part in making a covenant with God and with me and her attention was elsewhere. I really thought about leaving her at the alter at that moment, as one of my concerns coming into the marriage was her inability to make me a priority.
    • Last year, when I had my breakdown and made that post about my depression and was stepping away from blogging for a while, it was only because I recently discovered my ex used Facebook to reach out to the last man she had a sexual experience with, another guy from college, a different guy than the one I was referring to yesterday. It validated every concern and insecurity I had about her love and devotion to me, our marriage, and our family. It also didn’t back up some of her previous stories, so now I had no idea how long she’s been lying to me. This particular guy has an Egyptian last name and his first name is the same as an apostle. So now, whenever I see any Egyptian reference or hear that apostle’s name, I’m reminded of her lack of devotion.
  • One time when I was married and watching television with my wife, the person on the television asked, “What were the best years of your life?” I answered by telling my wife it started the day I met her, that she made all my dreams come true, gave me the family I always wanted, and accepted me for being me. She answered all giddy that it was when she was in college. I suppose when you are privileged enough that your parents pay for all your college costs at a fancy private university, as well as a furnished apartment, new car, provide a weekly announcement, study abroad, and the only job in college was being in a sorority, all that tops meeting the love of your life and father of your children. Throughout my marriage, I always felt she prioritized her family in East Texas and alma-mater before me.
  • The weekend before she abandoned me and abducted the kids, we worked on the Christian marriage enrichment Love and Respect course by Pastor Emerson Eggerichs. She wrote the following in her course workbook and then left me six days later.
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