Mother’s Day weekend is sure a lot different when your mother is deceased, you’re divorced, and lost faith in the mother of your children to adequately love and care for them. For instance, this is shoe my ex has our son wearing to school. These are embarrassingly dirty and worn out. I wish I knew what she was spending child support on. Sure, the end of the school year is around the corner, but the kid needs some new shoes now. You can literally stick your finger in that hole and touch his toe. I took his sister out to buy shoes last weekend, and when we were out we tried finding him a pair but didn’t have much luck. If I had him this weekend, I’d certainly take him out to get some new shoes.
The stupid divorce decree states I get the children every first, third, and rare fifth weekend of each month. Normally, I’d get them this weekend, but, since it’s Mother’s Day weekend, that trumps the schedule. So, I won’t get the kids for at least two weeks. There’s a part of me that wants to ask my ex to even things out. Since last year she only allowed me to have the kids for breakfast and didn’t intend for me to see the children at all for Father’s Day, why don’t I keep the kids this weekend and she can have the kids for an hour for breakfast. Some of you are probably thinking that it balances out because of Father’s Day weekend. Nope, because it falls during the summer and the possession schedule is different in the summer. So, all dads in Texas forced to accept the standard or expanded-standard possession schedule get screwed. Actually, it’s the kids who are getting screwed, as they deserve to have both parents in their lives equally.
I still get a lot of anxiety when the first several moments of my possession time with the children begin. It’s weird, it’s like I already miss them even though they are in front of me but I feel like they are going to be snatched away or I’m going to wake up from a dream only to find out we’ve never been reunited. My counselor is helping me with it. He’s spoken separately to two of his colleagues, and all three of them have determined I’m suffering from PTSD. They are working alongside my psychiatrist. Sure, I was depressed about my spouse’s emotional infidelity and neglect, and the divorce sucked, but it was the alienation of the children that caused a maelstrom of emotional hell.
As hurt as I am, I don’t want revenge or vengeance. There’s no such thing as fairness or justice after a divorce. I just want healing.
My favorite lamp in the house is a pharmacy floor lamp. Unfortunately, the halogen bulb burned out. I’m having the hardest time finding a replacement or an LED equivalent. There’s so much more to light bulb shopping than I expected. Of course there’s base size, shape, wattage, color (warm or white). brightness or lumens, and a lot of other unexpected stuff. I think I’m shopping for a halogen T10 with an E26 base.
I see a pain management doctor because of my back and neck. Earlier this week, I met with him. We talked about an upcoming procedure. To give him the complete picture, I told him about a treatment I’m going through because of my divorce. As soon as I said the word “divorce” I could tell he dropped the doctor title and then talked to me as an empathetic friend. There’s something about this unfortunate brotherhood of men who have been given divorce papers and have seen long-lasting damage it does to us and our children. I think we spent most of our visit talking about the wounds divorce leaves and its recovery and the life you can have post divorce, and the purgatory until you find love again.
I hope to provide you folks more upbeat posts soon.
wearing to school. These are embarrassingly dirty and worn out. I wish I knew what she was spending child support on. Sure, the end of the school year is around the corner, but the kid needs some new shoes now. You can literally stick your finger in that hole and touch his toe. I took his sister out to buy shoes last weekend, and when we were out we tried finding him a pair but didn’t have much luck. If I had him this weekend, I’d certainly take him out to get some new shoes.
