Four consecutive days of blogging, look at me go. Though I know I will disappoint a lot of you in some of what you read today and in the future. I’m at a point at which things are so damaged that I don’t care.
My ex wrote what you see above last year. Her mother’s judgement is so clouded that when she read it, she that it was only about her daughter taking a break from Facebook by praising her, and totally overlooked the infidelity and unfaithful parts. Then, a month-and-a-half later, my took the kids out of school early and drove 110 miles east to her mother’s house. I only started to learn about all of this when my ex’s mother sent me the following text. Keep in mind, the big freeze was going to hit the next day, my wife has never been physically harmed, the prior weekend we worked on a Christian marriage enrichment seminar, and we haven’t even been to a single session with a marriage counselor or our pastor. She and her daughter kept our children from speaking to their father for four straight days, at the start of the big freeze. The fifth day was my son’s 9th birthday. I received this other text from who is now my former MIL. Other than the five-minute call she allowed, and me obeying her rules, she didn’t allow me to speak to my kids for four more days. As much as they like to tout about Jesus in their lives, I’m not sure Jesus would be pleased with someone tearing apart a family and keeping a loving father from his children who want to speak to their father.
When John Madden died, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement, “We all know him as the Hall of Fame coach of the Oakland Raiders and broadcaster who worked for every major network, but more than anything, he was a devoted husband, father and grandfather.” One word stuck out to me, “devoted.” That’s something my ex never was – devoted to me or our marriage. There were signs of it at the start.
Early in our relationship, even before we were engaged, we went to pre-marital counseling. Before that first session, she came over to my apartment. She received a phone call, then took it outside for a long time. When I asked who called, she wasn’t truthful with me. She played it off as if it was nobody when she later admitted it was a guy who was interested in her. Here we were about to leave for a premarital counseling session, and she couldn’t break things off with another man. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but little did I know this would be a common thing for her to do throughout our relationship.
At our wedding, as she made her entrance and walked down the aisle, she never once looked at me. At first, that made me sad because I had a little something special planned as she gazed at me. But it actually scared me, I thought this was going to set a precedent for our marriage, that she will always overlook me. Here she was, taking part in making a covenant with God and with me and her attention was elsewhere. I really thought about leaving her at the alter at that moment, as one of my concerns coming into the marriage was her inability to make me a priority.
Last year, when I had my breakdown and made that post about my depression and was stepping away from blogging for a while, it was only because I recently discovered my ex used Facebook to reach out to the last man she had a sexual experience with, another guy from college, a different guy than the one I was referring to yesterday. It validated every concern and insecurity I had about her love and devotion to me, our marriage, and our family. It also didn’t back up some of her previous stories, so now I had no idea how long she’s been lying to me. This particular guy has an Egyptian last name and his first name is the same as an apostle. So now, whenever I see any Egyptian reference or hear that apostle’s name, I’m reminded of her lack of devotion.
One time when I was married and watching television with my wife, the person on the television asked, “What were the best years of your life?” I answered by telling my wife it started the day I met her, that she made all my dreams come true, gave me the family I always wanted, and accepted me for being me. She answered all giddy that it was when she was in college. I suppose when you are privileged enough that your parents pay for all your college costs at a fancy private university, as well as a furnished apartment, new car, provide a weekly announcement, study abroad, and the only job in college was being in a sorority, all that tops meeting the love of your life and father of your children. Throughout my marriage, I always felt she prioritized her family in East Texas and alma-mater before me.
The weekend before she abandoned me and abducted the kids, we worked on the Christian marriage enrichment Love and Respect course by Pastor Emerson Eggerichs. She wrote the following in her course workbook and then left me six days later.