I made a blog post every day of this work week, it’s almost like old times. But, I may take Monday off since it’s a holiday.
So, yesterday I mentioned how my wife left me by taking the kids out of school early and driving 110 miles to her mother’s in East Texas. Then, her mother sent me this text and didn’t allow me to speak to my children for four nights. Then, she allowed a five-minute monitored phone call on my son’s 9th birthday, all during the big freeze.
Keep in mind, I’ve never cheated or physically hurt my wife in any way, and we never went to a single counseling session or had a visit with our pastor as we were working through her emotional infidelity. I had no idea she was going to file for divorce that Sunday night. That’s right, she couldn’t even wait until offices opened the next morning. As a matter of fact, she let the children know we were getting a divorce before informing me. However, my wife didn’t tell the children herself. She had her mother do it. I’m sure Jesus was proud of their efforts of not keeping a family united and choosing divorce as the first option after 17-years of marriage.
She abandoned me and abducted our children from school around 11:00 AM Friday, February 12, 2021. The day before seemed normal. For the last four Thursdays, she would stay after school and have an hour long video conference with her counselor in the privacy of her classroom. When she informed me she wanted to see a counselor, I found five that were in-network which I thought would be a good fit for her. She chose this one counselor who shared a name with an out-of-network counselor. Basically, she scheduled sessions with the out-of-network counselor and I told her as long as she was happy, I’d be happy paying the higher out-of-network fee.
As I’ve done the past four Thursdays, I’d pick the kids up from school instead of her driving them home. But first, I’d leave work early to stop by Chick-fil-A to pick her up a snack. She could get “hangry” easily, and I wanted her to get the most out of her counseling sessions. She later told the judge I was manipulative and controlling. Well, a manipulative and controlling man would do everything he could to keep her from seeing a counselor for four straight weeks, and wouldn’t go out of his way tp leave work early to ensure she had a snack and to pick up the kids.
That evening seemed pretty normal. When the kids went to bed, she showered and came into the living room to watch television with me. We snuggled on the coach, then she put her hand in my pants, and as one thing led to another, we went to the bedroom to do what married couples do. But she seemed off, as if she wasn’t there mentally or emotionally, very quiet and reserved. I mentioned it to her, but she didn’t provide a response other than tell me she’d like to borrow my primary vehicle, the gas-powered SUV to take to school instead of her smaller low-range electric car the next morning. She said she needed it to help a friend move something large from one classroom to another across campus. I thought nothing of it and said sure. Little did I know she was lying. She needed to switch vehicles because the electric car wouldn’t make it to her mother’s on a full charge.
As she was taking the kids out of school around 11:00 AM, I used my lunch hour to go grocery shopping and stock up on a lot of comfort food for the upcoming winter storm. Little did I know none of that food would be eaten. I was so distraught upon her leaving that I lost my appetite for months. Heck, I still have knots in my stomach and can’t eat a full meal.
The first two nights in the house were torture. The house was devoid of children, eerily quiet and literally and figuratively cold, almost haunting. Everything around me was a reminder they weren’t there. I was looking forward to playing with my kids in the snow and now I was alone. I was isolated. It felt like solitary confinement once the storm hit and the power went out over and over again, roughing it by myself. Thankfully, at one point, my best friend Jimi called, someone I haven’t talked to in months, and stayed several nights with me during the big freeze. But after the first two nights of being isolated and not knowing when I would see my children next, I had a panic attack. I tried to call Jimi, but he was busy. I called my pastor, but he was busy. So were several others I tried to call. I just wanted to speak to someone, and then I remembered the crisis or suicide hotline and their commercials about how someone would always be there to listen and take your call. So, I called and had an hour long conversation. Funny thing, at the end of the call, they asked if I would take part in an NYU research study by answering an hour’s worth of questions, and they would compensate me $50. As lonely as I was, I readily agreed. Little did I know, my ex and her mother would successfully use that call against me in court, pushing the idea I was mentally unstable to keep the kids away from me.
Remember, my ex’s mother said I could only communicate with my wife by text messages through her. I groveled as much as possible to keep my family together. My family meant everything to me. I even sent promotional material from an upcoming Focus on the Family marriage enrichment boot camp that would last a week. I was willing to pay about $13,000 for it, but they wouldn’t have any of it. They were dead set on divorce and nothing in between.
After about a full week, and as the weather was clearing up, I was wondering when she was going to come back and go back to her teaching job and the kids to school. Despite our kids not doing well in online school, and without my knowledge or consent, she enrolled them in online school to keep them at her mother’s in East Texas. I had an upcoming doctor’s appointment to remove some pre-cancerous area on my nose and needed someone to drive me to and from the doctor’s office. I texted asking when would she return. My wife called and said she was going to keep the conversation short and that she was divorcing me. I felt what she needed most was space and to feel she was in control, so I only asked that she be fair with the children, and she said she would do what she thought was best. Little did I know that meant keeping them away from me. Even when she moved back to the area, she wouldn’t reveal their location until the judge forced her. All I could think of was “in sickness and in health”. I thought about that again when my ex agreed to go to the neurosurgeon with me so we could readily schedule the surgery and childrens possession time swapping, and then she canceled on me the next morning. I’m thinking her lawyer helped her craft this message.
The weekend before my wife left me, we arranged for her sister and husband to watch our children, and we worked on a Christian marriage enrichment course. I hand wrote a note to my wife’s sister thanking her, asking her for prayers as this was the lowest point in my life, and included $200 in case the kids wanted something. She ended up using that personal note in court to push the point that I was emotionally unstable to be around my own children. I also reached out to my wife’s mother, ensuring her I was devoted to her daughter and was in it for the long haul. She shared some very nice stuff, stating how she stuck with her husband during some emotionally tough times and God’s providence. Despite what she wrote to me, which you can see below, she later help orchestrate her daughter’s divorce, never encouraged us to at least try counseling one single time or even try a separation. And she thought she was the one who should tell our children that their parents were divorcing, and how it can be seen as a blessing because it meant new beginnings. You’ll see I playfully referred to her as MammaToots, and there’s a long but cute story about that which I will tell at a time of my choosing. Divorce was her goal, and she paid all of her daughter’s legal fees. I remember the first time my future wife talked about her, saying she told her about me, but that I was half-Asian. Her first question was, how Asian does he look? It was a challenge and uphill battle from the start. I thought love would win. I was wrong.