BagOfNothing.com

• As you know, 2021 was a very rough year for me. I rang in the new year by opening the backdoor at midnight to let out 2021 and to welcome in 2022 with an open mind.
• This was the first Christmas we experienced as a divorced family. I didn’t have the kids from the day of my surgery, Dec 17, until Dec 28. I had “my Christmas” with them on the night of the 28th. It was weird for all of us, even though we tried to make the best of it.
• The word I’m going to focus on for the year, I guess you can say my mantra, is “yield.” I’m not in control of most things or the actions or responses of others. Like the Beatles said, “Let it be.” I’m also going to adopt the MJ from Spider-Man NWH philosophy, “If you expect disappointment, then you can never really be disappointed.” For instance, I thought my ex would allow our children to visit me at least one time during my recovery from major surgery to at least put their minds at ease. I have no control over that. I just had to expect the worst and let it be. Easier said than done. I can’t figure out any other way to deal with this new normal I didn’t seek nor ask for.
• Before I found out about my then wife’s emotional acts of infidelity and fell into depression, I used to weigh around 250-pounds, though at my heaviest I stopped weighing myself after I hit 265. Saturday was the first I weighed myself post surgery. All of my weight over the past 14-months have been unplanned.
  
• My recovery is going well but I think I need to take it easy. DaughterGeeding is trying out for her school’s softball team and I’ve been underhand tossing softball sized wiffle balls at her in the backyard. As a matter of fact, we did it at midnight in the backyard one night with nothing but the porch light aiding us. I do get winded easily and had to be careful of a few line drives.
• In case you want to see how my throat incision is healing. The purple surgical ink is still there. My follow-up is on Tuesday.
• I’d like to see the player-coach role come back, but I guess there are contract legalities preventing that from ever happening. The two modern-day players I think fit that role would be Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.

Dan Reeves was out there playing for the Cowboys while also being on the coaching staff pic.twitter.com/PxHYSLTvam

— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) January 1, 2022

Can’t believe I’m still writing COVID-19 on all my checks.

— Victor Godinez (@VictorGodinez) January 1, 2022

• I’m opening this bag up gradually, but it is opening up. More consistent postings will start the second week of the new year. I haven’t physically seen or hugged my kids since the day of surgery when I dropped them off at school, and I’m about to get them for ten straight nights, so my attention will be on them. There’s no telling if I’ll ever be able to regain my audience. But you folks have been loyal and encouraging, and I haven’t forgotten about it.
• As you know, it’s been a hell of a life-changing year for me. This blog was even used against me in court. How will this affect my blogging in the future? I’m not sure. I felt it was important to be transparent with a lot of my thoughts and feelings, even if they were unpopular and made little sense. I tried to be authentic and sincere. In that spirit, I’d like to continue to be that way, though I may be more guarded.
• One thing is for sure, you’re going to be disappointed in me and I accept that. I’m a newly divorced man who is still grieving the death of his 17-year marriage, adjusting to having limited access to my children. I’m wounded, damaged, and in some ways, bitter, sad, and angry. In other ways, I’m humbled and grateful. I’m going to express and reveal some things which will make you think less of me. You are going to question why I shared some intimate stuff and why I’m taking shots at my ex and her family. Some of that may be intentional, some of it will be unintended, as I best try to put into words some complex thoughts and feelings. You will be bothered with me being a Donny-Downer, writing about all the things that make me sad and I’m struggling with. This is part of my process of healing and growing. There are going to be times in which I turn comments off just because I have the power to do so.
• Christmas by the numbers:
  • 0 – number of presents I unwrapped this year.
  • 1 – hugs I received on Christmas.
  • 2 – number of Christmas cards I received in the mail.
  • 3 – number of phone calls received wishing me a Merry Christmas.
  • 9 – number of texts received wishing me a Merry Christmas.
• My recovery continues to go well. I still tire easy and there’s some tingling in my fingertips. My neck is stiff and sore more than it hurts. But as you can see, I’m walking much better and a lot of my strength, balance, and coordination has returned. My spiral could use some work, but it’s my first throw after surgery and with a neck brace on.

If you are wondering why the camera panned or moved, it was because of the wind and just worked out in my favor. Here’s the before surgery video if you’d like to compare.

Despite a rough night in the hospital, I’m feeling much better. The physical therapist used the video of me walking and throwing the football as a baseline for tests this morning. I could walk unassisted with only a slight limp and have regained a lot of my balance and coordination. A lot of my fine motor skills have returned, though I’m still is experiencing some numbness in my extremities. My bandage is itchy and neck is sore, even with a lot of pain medication, but my overall condition has improved. I’m still on a clear liquid diet but crave a chicken-fried steak at the moment. My throat is sore, but not scratchy, and eager to have my catheter removed. Because of COVID protocols, my children could not visit, but thanks to modern technology, I had a video session with them. Discharge may happen after 2:00 PM and I’ll remain on a soft food diet for a few days. Emotionally, I’m doing okay, but miss the support of my family and former spouse.