I just came here for a bagel, ma’am

I haven’t had a bagel in a while, so I thought I’d make a trip to the local bagel shop.

It’s a long line, just about out the door, but I don’t have much on my plate today so I decide to hop in line.  Within a few seconds a woman in a purple dress, perhaps in her late forties, gets in line behind me and strikes up a conversation.

Lady in Purple:  Isn’t capitalism great?

Me: It sure is.  Everytime I come here,  I kinda wish I owned the place.  It’s just a nice, small, cozy and friendly kind of place, and does quite well.

Lady in Purple:  Lets hope we can get the current administration out so capitalism can continue and we can have places like this.

Gulp . . . I need to tread lightly.  I’m going to try, in a friendly way, to let her know we have a respectful difference of opinion, hopefully laugh it off, and go our merry way.

Me:  (With a smile) Well, you’re talking to the wrong guy if you want to get the current administration out of office.

Lady in Purple: (With a stern look) Oh . . . you are one of those that want places like this, small businesses, to be taxed so high they go out of business.

Wow, that was stern.  Fight or flight? Fight or flight?  I don’t want to get walked on, and I know nothing about her or her background, but she sure does think she knows a lot about me despite never meeting before.  I’m sure she’s a good person, but just real passionate about politics.  Think grace, think extending grace, think . . . how to handle this gracefully but not get beat up.

Me:  I tend to lean towards taxing those who can most afford it and in the fairest way possible, and when it comes to small businesses, the current administration has lowered taxes on small businesses numerous times, they are trying to help small business owners.

Uh oh, this woman’s brow has lowered and she has now taken a step towards me.

Lady in Purple: (In the most sarcastic tone) Oh . . . they have, huh?  They are destroying America.

Me:  (With hopefully a polite, friendly smile) Look ma’am, I just came here for a bagel on a beautiful Saturday morning and not to talk about divisive things.

There, that should settle things.  Hopefully we can stand in this long line together and get our bagels in peace.

Lady in Purple: We’re not going to have places like this.  You really need to do your research.

Me:  Ma’am.  I just came here for a bagel . . .  I’ve done my research and I’m comfortable with the facts I’ve found, and I’m sure you’ve done yours using your own resources and feel just as comfortable.  I respect your beliefs and hope you can respect mine.

Lady in Purple: Oh, do you?

I can’t take this . . . there’s no benefit in continuing this conversation.

Me:  Yes, ma’am.  I just came her for a bagel.

I then turn around so I’m facing the front of the line and she can only see my back, vowing not to look back at her, and trying to let loose a silent fart I desperately hope knocks her out.

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