SARATOGA SPRINGS — A 57-year-old city man who proclaimed himself to be “a non-violent bank robber” allegedly walked into the Broadway branch of the Adirondack Trust Bank this morning (Wednesday) and handed a note to a teller that read, “Give me all your money and God will love you.”
The teller gave him nearly $7,000, which he left behind on a bank counter before fleeing on his bicycle. He was apprehended by police a short time later.
Police said Matthew Lofchie of Zephry Lane entered the bank at 9:10 a.m. and handed a note to a teller demanding money.
My favorite part of the article:
“This can’t be construed as a bank robbery because I just handed the note to the girl saying that I was a non-violent bank robber and to give me all your money and God will love you,” Lofchie said, according to a statement that he gave to police. “I did not have a gun or knife, so this can’t be a robbery.”
Following this guy's logic:
"I didn't use a weapon when I choked the life out of that guy, so this can't be a murder."
At his sentencing, I'm sure the judge will tell him, "Nice try".