This kinda reminds me of Conan O’Brien’s skit when he says “In the year 2000 . . .”

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
  
• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
  
• Baby conceived naturally – – scientists stumped.
  
• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
  
• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
  
• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
  
• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
  
• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
  
• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  
• 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  
• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
  
• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a politician with their mouth shut.
  
• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
  
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
  
• Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
  
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  
• Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
  
• Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
  
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  
• Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines