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Who is going to care for your pets after you are raptured into heaven?

Many Christians believe that animals do not go to heaven. So when Jesus comes back and you return with him to heaven, will there be somebody to take care of your dog or cat?

Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?

With the imminent collapse of the global economy and rampant godlessness, even the community shelters will not have the resources to care for your poor, hungry animals. So you need to make preparations.

That’s what JesusPets is for. We are assembling a community of heathen pet-lovers to care for pets that are “left-behind.” We are coordinating with feed mills and kennels in preparation for your post-apocalyptic pet care needs.

And there is more:

Are you an animal lover; and also an atheist, agnostic, jew, muslim, or other non-Christian? If so, you might qualify for the JesusPets Partner Program!

The search word in Google Images is “tiananmen.”

Google USA.

Google China.

OCOEE, Fla. — An Orange County man said he’s alive because his dog called 9-1-1. The well-trained beagle used his owner’s cell phone to alert authorities something was wrong.

Here is a link to the funeral program, which is 28 pages long. I have a feeling that should there be a funeral for me, the funeral program will be a Post It note.

• It includes letters from President Bush and Mayor Franklin of Atlanta, as well as a proclamation from Governor Perdue of Georgia.

  Note: When Rev Martin Luther King Jr died, then Geogia Gov Lester Maddox refused to attend the funeral calling the civil rights leader “an enemy of the country.”

• There are a lot of honorary pall bearers, Bono being one of them.
• Turns out she was two years older than her husband. She was born in 1927, he was born in 1929.
• Michael Bolton is scheduled to sing. I wonder if this is the same Michael Bolton I’m thinking about.
• TD Jakes will speak.
• Dr Robert Schuller of the Crystal Catherral is listed as providing the benediction. I really like him.

Also, and I’m not sure how to define this picture. Maybe ironic is a good word, I dunno. But there are a lot of white people on stage for her funeral.