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The Christian’s Guide to Small Arms was developed in response to the fact that most American Christians have fallen into ignorance concerning the responsibilities and skills required of the Christian freeman. CGSA is not intended to be THE definitive source on this subject, but rather a primer for the Christian who is beginning to reject the false theology that requires him to be a pacifistic patsy in the face of heathen hordes.

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If small arms are a bit much, how about Christian Paintball?

Christian paintball park provides friendly fire

It’s called Promised Land.

Pastors, church youth leaders and mostly believers from Great Lakes states come here to bond and battle.

Every Canadian-made green paintball that stings you like the end of a wet towel, does so with the grace of tiny Christian fish symbols printed on their shell.

“I’ve looked in the Bible, and can’t find anything wrong with paintball,” reasons Andy Leong, a 48-year-old Chicago marketing executive who’s come to celebrate the birthday of his 13-year-old son, Luke. “In fact, the Bible is filled with combat as a topic.”

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.2. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.  : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t#9 on this list

Do you ever find yourself desperately looking for a clean toilet in the city?

MizPee finds the closest, cleanest toilet and gives you entertaining reading material once you get there. Since the service is cell phone-based, it’s always with you, when you really need it.

Want to try MizPee?Send as a text message your city and state (e.g. “New York, NY”) to the following number: 415-350-2290.

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See if you can work out the cause of death by looking at evidence revealed by the autopsy.

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