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This short survey will tell you approximately how many five year old children you could fight at once. Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combatting experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass. Here are the ground rules:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
There are no weapons or foreign objects
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
The children are merciless and will show no fear
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is “out.” The same goes for you.

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It turns out I can take on 23 five year old kids in a fight.

Lee Thomas’ skin is betraying him.

His once brown, even complexion is now mottled with pale patches around his eyes and mouth, along his nose and on his ears; his arms, shoulders and chest are speckled and blotched.

“I’m a black man turning white on television and people can see it,” says Thomas, an anchor and entertainment reporter for the local Fox Broadcasting Company affiliate. “If you’ve watched me over the years, you’ve seen my hands completely change from brown to white.”

Thomas has vitiligo, a disorder in which pigment-making cells are destroyed. White patches appear on different parts of the body, tissues in the mouth and nose, and the retina.

“There is no cause. There is no cure, and it’s very random,” Thomas says. “I could turn all the way white or mostly white.”

As many as 65 million people worldwide have the disorder, including up to 2 million in the United States.

Few people, outside medical professionals and those with the disease, had heard the term “vitiligo” until Michael Jackson revealed in the early 1990s that the disorder was behind his skin turning brown to white.

It’s not fatal, but experts say vitiligo robs people of self-confidence, evokes ridicule and unpleasant stares, and pushes some into unforced seclusion.

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Reserve A Spot In Heaven is here for the sole purpose of allowing you the opportunity to secure your spot in Heaven before it’s too late. Yes, at the moment there is plenty of room in Heaven for you and all of your loved ones, but what most individuals don’t realize is that although a large portion of this space remains vacant, spots are filling very quickly. So quick that if you don’t act now you may lose your chance at getting in. How does a future of endless suffering sound? Not so good, which is why we are here to help.

How would you feel if when the day came to travel, you had to walk up that long flight of stairs to get into the clouds? You just had a rough past couple of days and the last thing you need is to walk up an enormous flight of stairs. After you reach the top you then get stuck in a long line waiting to get through those wonderful pearly gates. Days, maybe weeks pass, and you finally arrive at the front of the line and the gatekeeper tells you that there is no more room. Dang! If you would have only reserved your spot with us, there wouldn’t have been this problem. You could have been sitting pretty with a first class ticket straight to the gates with zero waiting, but instead, you will be sent down to live an uncertain life filled with pain and anguish.

I’m sure you may be wondering, ‘How is this possible?’ Well, to this day we are the ONLY official distributor of reservations into Heaven. We are directly affiliated and sent down by The Board of Heavenly Officials, the only governing body in Heaven, to offer you one thing and one thing only: a worry free, secure way into Heaven.

Two packages to choose from.

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