BagOfNothing.com

Next Friday, right around lunchtime, I’ll be in the middle of an anterior cervical discectomy and fusion (ACDF) surgery. Hopefully, it will cure my loss of fine motor skills, strength, coordination, and balance. The symptoms have progressed faster than expected. I now walk around with a cane (I have my good and bad days/moments) and typing and writing are difficult. I’ll be honest, I’m a little freaked out and ponder how my 46-year-old-body is so banged up. Here’s a four-minute video of me trying to volley with DaughterGeeding. Even though my fingertips are numb and can barely lift my arms above my head, playing with my kids brings a smile to my face.

What else brought a smile to my face? DaughterGeeding memorized my favorite poem, If by Rudyard Kipling. I should recite it daily to get me through this purgatory.

For you married couples, whether you were the bride or groom, at your wedding, did you make eye contact when the bride entered the room or walked down the aisle?

— BagOfNothing (@bagofnothing) December 2, 2021

I’m still waiting on the judge to sign the final divorce decree, but there’s been a new development regarding my health. For the past month or so, I’ve been progressively losing my fine motor skills, strength, coordination and there has been a change in the way I walk. After four MRIs and a visit to the neurosurgeon who performed my spinal fusion almost three years ago, it was determined I need to have cervical spondylotic myelopathy surgery. In short, it’s neck surgery to alleviate a spinal fluid leak and fuse some vertebrates and to make room to take the pressure off my spinal cord. Putting surgery off too long can lead to permanent nerve damage and eventual paralysis. There are three areas of concern, but only two need to be surgically addressed.

The severeness of my symptoms ranges throughout the day. There are times in which I can’t throw a ball to BoyGeeding, and then there are times I can do so, but with much difficulty and little strength. When I try to run, my brain tells my legs to move, but they don’t or slow in responding, and I end up falling. Sometimes typing, writing, and using food utensils are very challenging, but at times it’s not too bad, and I think I can tolerate life like this. However, my neurosurgeon has stressed this surgery needs to be a priority in my life. He’s going to have to go through my throat but said he can hide the scare well using a natural crease. I’m told I’ll have a really sore throat for a few days after surgery.

It’s been challenging working with the mother of my children since our separation back in February, even on what I think are the simplist of issues, so I’ve scheduled my surgery during the extended period in which I won’t have the children for Christmas break to avoid any scheduling or possession swapping conflicts. With no family to rely on, I’m going to have to depend on my church and a few select friends to take me to and from the hospital and to help me during the recovery process. It will suck waking up from surgery and not seeing any loved ones or have them visit, but c’est la vie. It’s an excellent opportunity to work on dealing with adversity, as if losing my wife, family, house, and going through a major job change this year wasn’t enough.

The positives:

• I have the best neurosurgeon in the Dallas and he accepts my insurance. He’s the  Chief of the department of Neurological Surgery at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas, and you’ll see him on the sidelines during Cowboys games in a red cap as he leads the concussion protocol medical team. You’ll see on his website he’s Roger Staubach (and for you evangelicals) and Matt Chandler endorsed.
• This is his second most common surgery.
• It’s the same exact procedure Peyton Manning had done except I’m getting an additional vertebra fused. He’s also performed the surgery on a certain Fox Sports personality who used to play for the Cowboys. I can’t identify the scares on their throats, so hopefully you won’t see mine once I’m healed.
• I should only have one overnight stay in the hospital.
• When it’s my turn to have possession of the kids, I will have recovered enough to drive and do some light activities with them.
• Once the judge signs the divorce decree, I’ll blog, but it won’t be consistent, as it will just depend on how well I’m able to type that day. Right now, it’s been a lot of hunting and pecking with my index fingers, which is a little tiring.

Hello BagOfNothing Faithful,

I thought my return to regular blogging would have happened by now, but due to forces beyond my control, it’s been delayed. I first stepped away from blogging to focus on some personal concerns and my family. Then, the person who I used to be able to refer to as “WifeGeeding” for 17 years unexpectedly abandoned me and filed for divorce, despite us never going to a single counseling session or even meeting with our pastor one time. To my surprise, my blog, this little website, was used against me in court. Despite wanting to return to blogging, my attorney advised against it until the divorce is finalized. I was told last month that the divorce should be finalized by the end of October, but here we are, and I’ve probably revealed too much. Once we and then the judge signs the divorce decree, I’ll resume regular blogging. I’m guessing that will be early to mid-November.

Many of you have reached out to me since I first stepped away, and I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to reply. It’s been tough and didn’t know how to reply appropriately. A lot of you have informed me you make this blog a part of your morning routine, and I’m sorry that’s been disrupted for so long. It’s been tough, much tougher than I imagined. A year ago I weighed about 250-255 lbs, this morning I was 188 lbs. None of that weight loss was planned. I used to listen to U2 music to provide me comfort during tough times, but because I have such an emotional connection with the music and associate them with my soon-to-be exspouse, they are just too gut-wrenching to listen to.

As you would imagine, it’s been tough on both BoyGeeding and DaughterGeeding. Keep them in your prayers, as well as their mother and father. In the span of about eight months, I’ve lost my wife, family, and home. And, since my employer has moved me to another area after ten years in the same place, in some ways, I also feel I lost my job as well. Some of you may have seen this coming and some of you may think I deserve everything that happened to me. You may be right. All I can do is learn from the past, make amends, and work on becoming a better version of myself and a better father to my two wonderful children. Easier said than done. I fought like hell to keep my family and our covenant together. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, that’s not going to happen.

Thank you for your patience, understanding, and loyalty. I hope I can make it up to you.

Godspeed,

Keith