White Male Scholarship

Finally—help is on the way for America’s downtrodden white males, especially the ones who believe they’ve been shut out of all that financial aid that is apparently being ladled like gravy on non-Caucasian college kids.

“It’s about time,” intones Texas State University business student William Lake, quoting an email he says was received the other day by the Former Majority Association for Equality, the scholarship fund he helped create to address this alleged injustice. “When we decided to start this scholarship, the conversation was primarily along the lines of ‘There is something out there for almost any and every demographic, but we don’t see anything out there for this demographic.’ So we decided to go ahead and at least contribute toward a solution.”

Lake, the nonprofit’s 30-year-old finance director, explains: “Our qualifications are pretty simple. Basically, you have to be at least a 25 percent Caucasian male and have to have demonstrated a commitment to your education with at least a 3.0 grade average, demonstrate financial need, and show you’re contributing positively to your community.”

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