Every morning I go downstairs with a couple of my coworkers to go get breakfast right when the cafeteria opens. Turns out several other folks have the same schedule. We always see people Sleep Hair Guy and Biscuit Lady, but I always don’t look forward to seeing Perfume Girl.

Perfume Girl is a somewhat cute probably older twenty-something. I’m assuming she’s single because there is no ring on her finger. I’m assuming I know why she is still single, because she wears the most fowling smelling allergy agitating perfume imaginable. She might as well be wearing guy repellent. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t put so much on, but I have a feeling she goes to Costco or Sam’s Club and buys the stuff in bulk.

Usually when I see her, I try my best to stay about ten feet away. Unfortunately this is still an unsafe distance as I can still catch a whiff. Just like when you fart and walk away, but you only end up leaving a trail that follows and punish everyone in the path of your wake. This morning there was only one cashier working and the line was pretty long. I ended up right behind her and my eyes started to water. My natural reaction was to stick my breakfast burrito up to my nose to block the stench, but that only worked for about a minute as I started to smell a breakfast burrito perfume combination – not the best smelling combination in the world mind you.

After I pay for my food, I do my best to get away from her, but as fate would have it she would ride the elevator with me. I did my best not to stand next to her, but my coworkers know how much that odor agitates me and stood in places where the only available spot for me was right next to her. Thanks guys, I owe you big . . . real big.

I wonder if anyone has ever told her how bad she smells. Someone probably complimented her one time and she thinks others like the smell. She’s like one of those American Idol contestants that think they can really sing well because someone has never had the guts to be honest with him or her, then they make it though auditions only to be ridiculed by Simon, Paula, and Randy in front of all of America.