Boy’s Family Upset At Unflattering Awards

13495553_240×180.jpegINDIANAPOLIS — Sixth-grader Matt Porter didn’t enjoy getting “Most Likely Not To Have Children” and “Sir Clowns-a-Lot” awards from two teachers at his school.

Matt said he received the awards in front of classmates during a ceremony at the Decatur Intermediate Learning Center at the end of the recently finished school year. His mother and his stepfather have asked the Decatur Township school system to reprimand the teachers, and they want an apology.

“Words cut deeper than any knife could. They hurt,” said his stepfather, Joseph Sims. “When you hurt a child like that, you not only hurt him mentally, but it does hurt physically because you withdraw within yourself. That is what Matthew has done.”

The certificates were signed by the teachers who distributed them. Matt recalled what the ceremony was like.

“I was standing in the middle of (the two teachers), and they (were) reading them off,” he said. “Everyone was laughing.”

Matt felt humiliated.

“They (were) putting us down and everything,” he said. “That is not what their job is for, to put kids down. They are supposed to teach us.”

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Gold Man

goldmandtoidas.jpgGold Man is a toilet accessory that enables a regular toilet seat to be adapted to become a urinal for men avoiding the unhygenic practice of urinal spillage during toilet usage. It is also a useful addition in case of sudden need for those suffering from nausea.

Gold Man is easy to store on its own plastic base close to the toilet and
May be lifted in place as and when needed
.

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Judge orders man not to have girlfriend

A judge has ruled that a 24-year-old Canadian man is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years.

The ruling came after Steven Cranley pleaded guilty on Tuesday to several charges stemming from an assault on a former girlfriend.

Cranley, who has been diagnosed with a dependent personality disorder, attacked his girlfriend in an argument after their breakup.

He tried to prevent her from phoning the police by cutting her phone cord and punched and kicked her. He finally stabbed himself with a butcher knife when police did arrive, puncturing his aorta.

Doctors say Cranley has difficulty coping with rejection and runs a high risk to re-offend if he becomes involved in another intimate relationship.

Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley “cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person.

“That is the only way I can see the protection of the public is in place until you get the counseling you need.”

Cranley had already served 146 days in pre-trail custody, which Morgan said was enough jail time in this case.

His lawyer says the no girlfriend order is the first of its kind that he has encountered.

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Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30

1. Use the word party as a verb.

6. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.

9. Crash on a friend’s floor or couch.

13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.

16. Know the names of the current Real World cast.

21. Own a beanbag chair.

22. Hang art framelessly.

34. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.

38. Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.

Full Esquire List

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