BagOfNothing.com

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.

www.mmmvelopes.com

“By the way, Mom, when it comes to toddlers — if they like to be coaxed to drink their milk, try this: Add 7-Up to the milk in equal parts pouring the 7-Up gently into the milk. It’s a wholesome combination — and it works!”

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