Texas Dominates TurboTax Annual List of Late-Filing Cities

The full list of this year’s late-filing cities, with last year’s ranking in parenthesis, is as follows:

1. Houston – (No. 1): Houston, we have a problem! Locals landed in the top spot in five of the last 10 years.

2. Chicago – (No. 2): Windy City residents are unable to move from No. 2 for the second year running, possibly due to food comas induced by all the deep dish pizza-eating.

3. New York – (No. 3): For the third year running in the No. 3 spot, New Yorkers in the City that Never Sleeps take a nap until tax time.

4. Austin – (No. 4): Busy Austinites, so burned out from festival-hopping, put off their tax duties – landing in the top five again.

5. San Antonio – (No. NA): It seems one of the biggest military centers in the U.S. needs more soldierly discipline this time around, popping into the top 10 for the first time since 2008.

6. San Francisco – (No. 5): Known as innovators for all things tech, San Franciscans are doing their taxes only a bit quicker, moving down one spot from No. 5 despite their connected reputations.

7. Seattle – (No. 6): It looks like all that rain is washing out more than mail routes for 7th place Washingtonians. Despite their commitment to java hot spots, filing taxes online before the tax deadline clearly isn’t a top priority.

8. San Diego – (No. 7): When you’re wearing sunglasses 24/7, it’s hard to even see your taxes, let alone file them. San Diegans file just a bit faster due to peer pressure this year with TurboTax headquarters right down the street.

9. Los Angeles – (No. 8): Starving actors hanging out in this town are too busy looking for some nosh. It’s no wonder they dread filing their taxes!

10. Dallas – (No. 9): They say cowboys ride alone, but Texans managed to lasso in four cities on this list — including No. 10, Dallas.

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Biblical Children Discipline Gets Church in Trouble

Pastor Philip Caminiti, 53, and his brother, John Caminiti, 45, were charged with a dozen counts of child abuse last week and also pleaded innocent.

The victims included 12 children ranging in age from infancy to 6 years old, according to the sheriff’s office.

“During interviews with detectives, Phil expressed his belief that the Bible dictates the use of a rod over a hand to punish children. He stated that children only a few months old are ‘worthy’ of the rod and that by ‘one and a half months,’ a child is old enough to be spanked,” according to the sheriff’s office release.

“Throughout the investigation, the church members were open with detectives about their ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ philosophy. They described using wooden dowels and wooden spoons on the bare skin of children, starting as young as 2 months old,” the sheriff’s office said.

“If you spank early and it is done right, then kids will be happy and obedient,” Philip Caminiti said, according to the criminal complaint.

According to the sheriff’s office, the dowels were described as being 12-18 inches long with a diameter about the size of a quarter. The parents told detectives that “redness and bruising” were the “common effects of the spankings.”

“One person described the children being emotional, grumpy or crying as behaviors that would constitute a spanking with a dowel,” according to the sheriff’s office.

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